Change....not as scary as we think.

Let's talk about change. 

Change can be scary. Change can lead us to feel anxiety and fear due to the lack of control that change brings. 

I encourage you to accept the fear, but not let it overcome you. The loss of control that comes from change must be accepted as a part of life. As much as we would love to have control over everything, we just can't. It just isn't going to happen. Things will happen in our lives that we have absolutely no control over and we need to accept this. 

However, we can learn how to cope with those feelings in a healthier way. I have learned the importance of accepting help from the people we trust. If we have people who love us, we must be open to accepting help. Try to think of it like this: would you help someone you truly care for in a time of need? If the answer is yes, then I suggest you try to open your heart to those who want to help you. It becomes easier as times goes on to learn how to accept help without feeling helpless. After all, the world would be a more beautiful place if we all helped one another without seeking anything else in return. 

Now, let's talk about the scary effect that may come from the feelings of losing control: relapse. Thoughts of relapse, or even relapse itself, may happen during recovery. The important part in dealing with this is remembering our inner strength. Remember that you can be free of this. You are strong enough to overcome it. After you reassure yourself, it is important to learn your triggers. What caused you to feel this way? When you discover what it is, you can be aware of it occurring next time so you can take the steps to avoid a relapse behavior or thought. What makes you feel at peace and calm? What pulls you out of the dark place that relapse feelings or thoughts bring? Perhaps it is enjoying a book. Maybe you have family, friends, or a significant other that you can trust to help talk with you and bring you into a more positive mindset. You might even like to paint, shop, watch a movie....the possibilities are endless. The main idea is that you need to find those things that bring you peace of mind. Eventually, you will be able to be your own peace of mind. You won't even have thoughts of relapse during the no-control moments because you will know deep down that things will really be okay. 

Please remember to love yourself. Don't hate yourself if you lack some strength at times. You are only human. We will make mistakes and that is a part of life. The importance lies in learning from our mistakes by growing from them instead of dwelling on them. You are beautiful and deserving of health and happiness and I have faith that you can overcome the fear of change. After all, it is happening around us every day: why not embrace it? 

Who said we have to let our past control us?

Let's talk about acceptance. Acceptance of ourselves and of our past and present lives. 

I used to never fully embrace myself. I shuddered at the thought of people knowing the real me and all of the painful and embarrassing things in my past. 

Do you know what I had to do to overcome this? I had to open up to the people I trusted. I had to talk about the dark and trying moments in my life that I was ashamed of to realize that I had emerged from the darkness into the light. When someone you care for accepts and embraces you and assures you that it really IS okay. YOU really are okay. Your past teaches you, but it doesn't define you if you don't let it. 

My advice is to be careful with the people you open to when you decide you are ready to do so. Learn the difference between true and lasting acceptance and love and wavering and temporary acceptance in your relationships. Once you do, your lasting relationships will be stronger with deeper connections and you won't feel the need to accommodate everyone by being the person they want you to be. 

Just love and embrace yourself and surround yourself with people who love and embrace you. 

 

Start from the root of it all, and blossom into something new.

Let's discuss the connections in our lives. We can all probably think of many positive people who encourage us and ignite the fire within us to be a better person--a person capable and motivated to live life fully and passionately. Unfortunately, we can also most likely think of people who have hurt us very deeply. People who bring out the worst in us, bring out the insecurities in us, and make us feel like we are not in control. 

This is what I have learned: there will forever be those negative people in our lives. In fact, they are around us every day. They may be the person you never met who takes a condescending jab at you while you're in line at the grocery store or trying on clothes at your favorite shop. They may even be the friend that you have known for a long time who is unhappy in their own life, so they feel the need to bring you down. This is the secret: we can't change everyone. We can't help everyone. However, we are in control of our lives and our own thoughts and actions. We have the power within us to stop the negative cycle internally and shine with a positive spirit. There will be those who embrace the positive energy, and those that shun it. Yet, by choosing peace for OURSELVES, we can avoid being negatively affected by those that previously had the ability to effect us. 

Those who know me can tell you that I love yoga. It helps to keep me calm, balanced, focused, and accepting of myself and others. Today, my wonderful yoga instructor and I were discussing how many prestigious universities have done studies on the benefits of yoga. In fact, here is a helpful link regarding the benefits of yoga in many ways: 

http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Mental_Health_Letter/2009/April/Yoga-for-anxiety-and-depression

So, my point is this: we have the power to change. We have the power to overcome negativity. My activity of choice in combatting negativity, poor body image, and stress is yoga. I also journal, spend time with loved ones, bake, and have my alone reflection time when needed. Your activities may be much different. The important thing is choosing something that centers and calms you--allowing you to be a better person to yourself and those around you. 

It was very important for me to understand how to control my negative thoughts and my eating disorder before I had children because I never wanted to pass on a negative body image to my future children. I want them (whenever I may be blessed to have them!) to be strong, healthy, confident, and be able to channel their inner peace as necessary. I would not be able to teach them how to do this if I was not at peace. So it took me a long time, but I have changed. For myself and for those in my future. 

Along with the change, I am aware of how the things we say and the way we act can strongly affect children. We must be a beacon of hope and strength and light and love, and we do so by choosing our actions and words carefully. 

Here is a lovely article from The National Eating Disorders Association with tips for mothers, fathers, and anyone who works with younger individuals) on how to approach positive thinking in this area: 

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/50-ways-lose-3ds

It is actually helpful to read to help us NOW, as well. These tips are a good guideline to give ourselves positive energy and to give it to the younger people in our lives. After all, in order to love someone else we have to start by loving ourselves fully and completely. Then, that love will radiate from within us. 

We have the power to change ourselves and encourage positive change in the world through the younger generation. 

Love yourself today and pass that love on so we can see the droplets of change enter into the vast ocean of life.