Friday, July 18, 2014

Choices....





Let's talk about choices.

This topic is fresh on my mind because I was recently talking to a trusted individual about how I sometimes want to flee the confines of my traditional, albeit happy, life and roam free as a starry-eyed wanderer. Get rid of all commitments and be completely free. 

This lovely person brought me back to reality and reminded me that though we must be able to accept our choices, whatever they may be....there are consequences for our choices. Now, consequences are not necessarily a punishment. They are the reality of what occurs from the choices we make. Her point in this was that if I chose the life of a nomad, I would certainly have excitement. I would meet new people, see many places, fly by the seat of my pants, and my life would never have a dull moment. Are you ready for the big "but"? Yes, I could have that exciting life, but, I would be giving up the stability I have craved since I was a young girl. I would be giving up the comfort of my bed that I worked so hard for, my first big purchase after moving out on my own. I would be giving up the option of watching the children I always dreamed of having grow up in their forever home. I would make many new friends, but the relationships would be fleeting and I would miss out on years of blood, sweat, and tears relationships with people who would do anything for me. I would miss out on sleepy-eyed morning kisses and that comfort that only comes from being with someone who knows you fully, completely, deeply--and still loves you. I would be giving up the knowledge that a warm hug is always waiting for me, from someone--all I would have to do is call. I would have to be understanding of the idea that, unfortunately, if I get sick--I might be alone. If I become deathly ill, I may not have any way of contacting my family and even if I could, they would probably not be able to get out there fast enough. 

Now, this is the part where I got really, really lucky.

I have figured out how to do both. I can live my dreams of traveling while still maintaining solid relationships. I am blessed to be with a man who is secure in our relationship and supports my dreams. He wants me to able to go on that mission trip I always dreamed of. He wants to travel to Europe with me. Then, I also have my stability. My loved ones to come home to and share the joys of the pictures and the stories and the foods and sights and smells. My friends who know that I have this adventurous side and understand my need to fulfill it, but are still there to support me and listen to all of my crazy stories when I return. I maintain relationships with people who matter because at the end, that's all we have, folks. The people who love us fulfill our lives. They bring us life. They make me understand why I don't want to be a wanderer. Now, wandering with them? That's a different story. Bring that on. Bring that on for life

I am well aware that there are many who may not agree and who want to travel--I welcome their opinions. I hope they embrace their thoughts and live the most beautiful life possible. I am challenging you to remember that we need to be at peace with our choices-whatever they may be. 

Are there difficulties in commitments? Always. There are days where things are mundane. Days where we all want to run away (especially when we are stressed over bills, jobs, significant others, kids, in-laws....life stuff). That's normal. We need to take time to do what makes us happy in those moments. Take a little quiet time. Breathe. Understand that this moment shall pass....

....and when it does, you won't be alone. You have someone there to hold you, support you, listen to you, and plan that crazy trip with you that you have always dreamed about. 

So make your choices, my friends. Accept them and embrace them but do so with the understanding of what will happen next. Choose wisely, and choose with love. 



(Image credit: Bertha Williams MUA Mikal Andreu)

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Make room for happiness.

Letting go is incredibly hard, isn't it? Especially when our heart is invested in something or someone. It is so painful to walk away from something or someone who was once a huge part of our life.

Yet, we do it. Why?

Because we have to.

One of the recurring issues that happens so often in the dating world (and I also committed this dating crime) is that people simply don't let go of the past. We don't always see moving on as a "good" thing. When we walk away from something or someone, we must realize that feeling a loss is inevitable. We are "losing something", but if we are choosing to let it go, then we must trust our choices.

We need to realize that maybe, just maybe, some "losses" are actually just barriers to happiness being removed from our lives.

When loneliness kicks in, our brains trick us. They make us second-guess our choices that were once "set-in-stone". We start thinking that perhaps we made a mistake. Perhaps that person or situation which seems so terrible really wasn't so terrible after all.

This, my friends, is where logical thinking must come into play. Ask yourself some tough questions, and be honest with yourself.


  • Did this person or situation make me feel happier when I was experiencing them/it? Or did they/it make me feel unhappy or drained most of the time?



  • Did I make the choice to leave that person/place logically? After putting much thought into it? 


If the answers to these questions are "yes", then trust yourself because it seems like you made the right choice. Don't let those feelings of loneliness make you change your mind. Don't settle for less than you deserve just to have something....wait for the right thing.

Something magical happens when we allow ourselves to heal....

...we emerge even brighter. We have changed. We have softened or hardened in some places that will continue adding to our character. We have grown and changed and learned and we have risen above the loneliness. We have learned to love ourselves and embrace the loneliness and changes because it only means that a) we are comfortable being alone with ourselves and we accept that change is inevitable and b) we have made room for the right person or situation to enter our lives.

When we let go of something that is causing unhappiness, we allow more love and happiness to enter our lives. When we have something causing us unhappiness blocking our heart, it hinders us. It is a barrier. Sure, we may not be alone--but what's worse than not having someone/something? Having someone or something and still feeling completely and utterly alone. 

Wait for the people and situations who reflect love and joy back to you. Don't feel guilty from walking away from toxic people or things. Let your heart shine and make room for happiness.