FREE YOUR MIND.

How do we use the power of association to guide us through life?

Words are very powerful and can change our mindset completely. When you were a child, did you hear your loved ones calling themselves "fat"? Did you hear others making fun of someone for being "overweight"? Do you think you would associate certain sizes or numbers on the scale with "fat" had you not heard those things as a child? Did you hear a woman who had multiple sexual partners being called a "slut"?

Imagine growing up in a world where people referred to others who looked differently as "beautiful". Imagine your mother, your sister, your aunt, or your childhood best friend loving themselves exactly as they were, and letting that feeling radiate through them so the heat of their self-love made you feel self-love, too. Imagine people using their love to guide and help others instead of judging them for their choices.

I used to label myself, my friends. I used to think that my "bad" choices made me "damaged". I listened to what the views of others were. I felt guilty because of the associations that I made and that other people made about my EXPERIENCES (I choose not to say "mistakes"-we need to understand we are human and will have many "experiences" that will guide us). When I realized that it was time to forgive myself and realize that my choices did NOT define me-I felt a freedom that I had not felt in years. I did not have to label myself as a "damaged" person because of the associations I had in my mind with my choices. I had the freedom to be whoever I wanted to be. I had the freedom to learn from my experiences, and just be ME. No labels. No associations. Just me.

Let's change our associations. Let's replace those automatic negative thought processes with positive ones. Rather than pulling the skin on your gorgeous wide hips, or shapely stomach, or strong arms and saying it is "fat", say at least ONE POSITIVE quality about that body part. Instead of saying your wild hair is frizzy and awful, think of how beautiful and free and untamed it looks! Feel that freedom throughout your day!

Change your thoughts. Change your thought process. Good things will follow. We want our future children to have a positive body image of themselves and others. We want our loved ones to realize that we are only human. Our experiences (positive or negative) do not have to define the rest of our lives. You are YOU. That is all you have to be. You are not damaged. You are not broken. You are free to be the beautiful you that you are HERE on this earth to be.

Make the change!

To the women of the world: I have been in your shoes.

I have been on dates that now go down in history as "Did-that-really-happen?" moments.

I have had relationships end in ways that I never could have even created in my wildest imagination.

I have had friends hurt me.

I have had terrible jobs.

I have ever overdrafted my bank account. Yes, even that.

I have been hurt. I have been betrayed. I have lost faith.....

....but I got that faith back.

Would you like to know how? I don't have any gimmicks for you. I also can't tell you that the answers all come immediately. I still have "a-HA!" moments on a weekly basis from situations that occurred months or years ago in my life.

However, I will tell you this: things DO always work out. I know, I know. It sounds so cliche, right? Well, there is a little trick: you need to own up to your actions. I used to be passive aggressive and non-confrontational with people who wronged me. I used to want to change myself so much that I HATED myself rather than LOVING myself. I would make excuses for others AND for myself.

It was time to stop that.

It was time to realize that if I kept dating the same type of guy and those relationships kept failing, PERHAPS it was time to understand MYSELF and figure out why I kept going down that path. If I had conflict with friends, I needed to look at what I did  to determine if it was up to me to make amends. If I wasn't paying off my debt, but making money to do so--it was up to ME to make the changes to start fixing that.

Now, this might be heavy for you. You are probably thinking, "Wow, Nicole. So you are telling me to find all of the things I am DOING WRONG and fix them....sounds painful". It may sound painful, but here is the beauty of it: when we change our lives for the better, we also must FORGIVE OURSELVES. We will never be perfect. Our experiences (I won't say "mistakes", because they are purely experiences!) made us who we are. Yet, we need to continue GROWING and LEARNING from those experiences rather than closing our eyes, mind, and heart to the possibilities that are right in front of us. When we forgive ourselves, and realize that those "experiences" were purely that: experiences to prepare us for something GREATER, we become peaceful. Things start falling into place.

Things change for the better and continue to flourish.

Look in your mirror. Think about your life and what you want to change. Then smile, tell yourself "I love you", and make the changes. You can do it. You are meant for greater things.

“Consistency is what matters the most in triggering something important to your life” -Abdul Rauf

Let’s talk about consistency.

What does this mean to you? To me, it means everything.

I crave consistency in my life. Being consistent does not mean that we are unable to be spontaneous. It just means that we try our very best to be the best versions of us possible. It means we set personal boundaries, and choose to have other consistent relationships in our lives to avoid unnecessary stress and heartache.

I need to be consistent in my actions, or I become overwhelmed. I need consistency from others in my life. Many of my close friends and family members have shown me consistency in their actions and words-whether we are together or not.

The thing about consistency is that it takes TIME. We cannot develop consistency immediately. If we want a consistent and healthy relationship, it takes time. It takes getting to know the ins and outs of each other. It takes forgiveness, support, and commitment. If we want consistency in our personal health routine, we need to commit to the steps we take to get there. We must make small changes before we add on larger ones so we don’t set ourselves up for failure. With small changes, we can create that consistency that we crave.

If we want consistency with anything in our lives, we need to make the choice to commit to it.

Make a commitment to yourself today. Start small. Write it down. Track your progress. You will get to where you need to be. I believe in all of us! Don't beat yourself up if it doesn't happen as quickly as you want it to--it WILL happen. Just be consistent <3

Food Addicts

Hello everyone!
I apologize for not posting recently. Life has had some ups and downs (all exciting ones), and I took a little hiatus from my blog...but I am back!

Today, I want us to think about different perspectives. Do we categorize eating disorders in our minds? Are we are of the different ones that are out there? This is not a post to judge anyone, or to scold anyone. This is purely a post to remind us to be open.

A lovely friend of mine shared her personal struggle with me and is brave enough to share her story in order to help others. I want to share her story with all of you to remind all of us that eating disorders come in many shapes and forms. We must not judge others, or form opinions about them before getting to know them. We must love ourselves-regardless of our shape or size. If the people we loved the most died tomorrow, would we be even slightly concerned about the size of their pants? Their waist measurements? I highly doubt it. We should value ourselves more than that, too.

"I know you probably come in contact with people struggling with eating disorders through your blog and such. The website to this program is http://www.foodaddicts.org It is completely free and we help all types of people with food addiction, which many times manifests as ED's. There are recovering overeater's, bulimics, anorexics, people that have been morbidly obese and extremely thin and now are living with freedom around the mental obsession around food. I have been in program about 3.5 years and I used to struggle with obesity, overeating, laxative bulimia and my weight had fluctuated seriously over many years. The obsession around food was exhausting and time consuming and seemed to be a futile struggle for control. I like to give as many people as I can access to this info, because we invariably meet people every day that have problems with food. This website has a lot of info if you're interested and if you were to have any questions, feel free to ask me or contact the contacts listed".

Commitment isn't such a scary word, after all.

"Don't just aspire to be the best person you can be, commit yourself to being that person".

These were words spoken by my yoga teacher at the end of our New Year's Day 1/2 Mala. A Mala consists of 108 sun salutations, so we completed 1/2 of that. For those of you familiar with yoga, you know that sun salutations are an energizing way to wake up our bodies. I was very focused on my practice on New Year's Day, and I woke up the next day feeling satisfyingly sore all over my entire body. 

The reason this yoga class meant more to me than some of the others is because I wanted to start off my year with INTENTION. With PURPOSE. With DRIVE and AMBITION. The night before, my other half and I stayed up watching a recording of the ball dropping (as we are in Texas time--an hour behind NYC time), eating healthy snacks, and watching movies. So, as you may be able to conclude: I was tired. My body was tired, but my mind pushed me to wake up. My voice, however, pushed my boyfriend to wake up (and he couldn't have handled it better. Yes, I am lucky). The class started at 9:00 am, so I was up by 8:00 am. We drove to the studio with 30 minutes to spare. Nobody was in the parking lot by 9:45, so I thought I should check the time of the class on the schedule (just to be sure my excitement did not get the best of my logical thinking and memory...). When I did, I realized that *gasp*: the class started at 10:00 am! Now, you would think I would have felt grumpy because I missed out on an hour of sleep after a late New Year's Eve night....yet, I still felt energized. I still felt excited. I had a purpose and I had intention in my heart.

 I made a commitment to attend that class, and I did. This may seem small to some of you, but I would like to share something I have learned over the years: 

Small victories are just as gratifying as large victories, and they pave the way for the huge, outstanding victories that enter our paths. If we can complete those small victories with success and ease, the roads that we must endure to accomplish our large victories will seem that much easier. We will still be able to appreciate those large victories with just as much (if not more) joy, but we won't have to get there by stepping on the shards of glass and rock and bumps in the road along the way. You see, once we learn how to overcome small challenges with grace, we can overcome the seemingly more challenging challenges with ease and peace of mind. That makes the final destination so much sweeter. 

So how do we overcome small, tedious, daily challenges to gain small victories? How do we overcome those large challenges that make us feel like we want to curl up in a little ball and never face those difficulties? 

We practice commitment. We focus on intention. We discover our inner ambition and drive. We grasp our determination and we don't let go until we have reached our goal. 

Starting off my 2014 with that purpose and drive and commitment has made the tougher challenges in the days thereafter seem easier to cope with. Do I have my moments where I have to center myself? Yes. Of course! We are only human. Living with intention does not mean we will never have stress (but if you have learned how to do that, please let me know!). Yet, it just makes stress easier to deal with because we can focus on WHAT we are working toward and HOW we will get there. Remember those pesky shards of glass and rock and bumps that we inevitably encounter when we are trying to reach that beautiful sunshine at the end of the road?? Focus on that sunshine. Focus on that beautiful sunshine that will be so fulfilling--especially after you have had the peace and clarity of mind to bypass those rocks and bumps and glass.

Live every day with the INTENTION to be a good person, to be better than you were yesterday....then COMMIT yourself to that. Make the commitment to yourself every day to live with intention...because you truly deserve a fulfilling, peaceful, and joy-filled life. 

Use your power to love and heal--not to judge or hurt.

     One thing that I have realized the importance in as I have grown into being a woman is that we must listen to the wisdom of others. To think we know everything only limits ourselves from growing into more knowledgeable, genuine, and caring human beings. I used to think I knew everything and if anyone tried to tell me differently, it would "go in one ear and out the other" (as my parents and grandparents used to say). Yet, as we grow, we learn that we are never truly finished learning. The day that we think we know everything is truly a sad day in our existence because we are only limiting ourselves from fantastic things ahead.

      The holidays are a difficult time for many of us-for many different reasons. We all have our own individual reasons that we hold deep in the crevices and inner depths of our hearts. The mistake we make is in thinking our problems are bigger than anyone else's. The mistake we make is when we point fingers and give blame to people without even hearing their stories. Instead of blaming or doubting or questioning another human being, why not let them open up to you? Why not let them know that their life and their story is just as important to us as our own? 

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" - John Watson (aka Ian MacLaren)

      I recently found myself struggling with years and years of body image issues that had been locked up under my armor of strength. The armor of strength seemed to shatter when old feelings of self-doubt and lack of acceptance for just being me started to seep through the surface. I overcame my feelings with positive help and support from loved ones who guided me to put my "armor" back on. Yet, I know many people do not have this support system. Many people feel lost and alone spiraling into negative thoughts of worthlessness and grief. 

We need to use our own power for love to help those who feel lost. 

We have all been lost, and we need to use that strength that we have gained through our experience to help others-not hurt them or judge them.

      Instead of judging people because of their life, their body image, their relationship, their religious beliefs....why don't we take the time to listen to their story so they know they have at least one person who wants to hear them and not judge them? We never know any story unless we take the time to open our hearts and minds and ears to the person sharing the story. 

      I recently had a dear friend share with me a story. She wants to use her experience to help others realize that they are not alone. This is what life is ABOUT, people! We can use our experiences, our pain, our joys--to HELP others--not hurt them. Her story touched me, and I am sure it will move you, as well. 

"I wanted to share something with you.. I always read your inspiring messages and keep up with your blog. I wanted to ask you a favor...or maybe just reach out to you. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for the past 2 years going on 3 and it has to be the most difficult thing we've ever been through. I used to blame myself and despise my body every day because I was incapable of doing what every woman should be able to do. With that being said the holidays have always been our favorite time of year but I've been finding it so difficult to be happy this year around. For the past 3 Christmases now my only wish was for a chance to be a mom. I want you to spread awareness (if you want) about infertility. People ask me daily why we don't have children and offer their advice..I know they don't mean any harm but If only they knew. I want women to know that we shouldn't hate ourselves for things that are out of our hands. I want you to spread awareness of the importance of getting checked yearly as well. I suffer from an endocrine disease called pcos and it is extremely common"

      Here is a perfect example of a beautiful, kind, and genuine woman who is always caring to those around her. She is struggling with this internal battle and have had others question her rather than just show her gentle love and support for being who she is. She wants to help others who are struggling and raise awareness. Please--remember that your body is a beautiful gift. Take care of it and L.I.S.T.E.N. to it. My yoga teacher always says that our body starts telling us something is wrong with a whisper, and if we do not listen to those whispers, it will start to YELL. Don't wait for your body to yell. Here is a link for more info on PCOS:  http://womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.html

      I am asking all of you to remember that there is not a single human being who knows the story of all the people we meet. We must listen to each other, love each other, and support each other. Please, open your hearts this holiday season to the stories of others and feel the overwhelming love and peace you can feel in unconditionally accepting another human being. 

"Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy"

-Sai Baba

Pull out your weeds!

“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
-Steve Maraboli


We are only human, right?

Yes. Yes, in every sense of the word....we are imperfect, incomplete, constantly changing and absolutely where we should be.

I think this is something that we need to embrace more often.

I have found myself getting caught up in the, "I need to....", "I should be...", "By next year, I must have..."....

Who on earth said that we need to figure everything out all the time? Who is the power that makes us believe that we must be in control of everything in our lives at all times?

We cannot have total control. We will never have total control. The best way to gain control over our lives is so release the desire to always be in control. In doing so, we will have peace because we  will accept the changes that are going to happen. We have no choice but to wake up every day accepting and finding solace in the fact that those scary, unexpected, unwanted changes will undoubtedly happen.

....and perhaps- just maybe- they aren't so scary, after all.

You see, when we prepare ourselves to be at peace with the changes, they don't seem as challenging. Our minds and bodies are ready for them. Rather than searching for the answers all of the time, we need to search for the humbleness and security in breathing in all of those chaotic moments, letting them course through our muscles and our brains....and then release. Remember that difficult times will not take away our spirit if we do not let them take over our lives. Drop them to the ground like a dead weed. We need to face the weeds in our lives so we can remove them and make room for a beautiful and colorful and fragrant garden of opportunity.

Pull out your weeds and let them go today. We can do it together.