Commitment isn't such a scary word, after all.

"Don't just aspire to be the best person you can be, commit yourself to being that person".

These were words spoken by my yoga teacher at the end of our New Year's Day 1/2 Mala. A Mala consists of 108 sun salutations, so we completed 1/2 of that. For those of you familiar with yoga, you know that sun salutations are an energizing way to wake up our bodies. I was very focused on my practice on New Year's Day, and I woke up the next day feeling satisfyingly sore all over my entire body. 

The reason this yoga class meant more to me than some of the others is because I wanted to start off my year with INTENTION. With PURPOSE. With DRIVE and AMBITION. The night before, my other half and I stayed up watching a recording of the ball dropping (as we are in Texas time--an hour behind NYC time), eating healthy snacks, and watching movies. So, as you may be able to conclude: I was tired. My body was tired, but my mind pushed me to wake up. My voice, however, pushed my boyfriend to wake up (and he couldn't have handled it better. Yes, I am lucky). The class started at 9:00 am, so I was up by 8:00 am. We drove to the studio with 30 minutes to spare. Nobody was in the parking lot by 9:45, so I thought I should check the time of the class on the schedule (just to be sure my excitement did not get the best of my logical thinking and memory...). When I did, I realized that *gasp*: the class started at 10:00 am! Now, you would think I would have felt grumpy because I missed out on an hour of sleep after a late New Year's Eve night....yet, I still felt energized. I still felt excited. I had a purpose and I had intention in my heart.

 I made a commitment to attend that class, and I did. This may seem small to some of you, but I would like to share something I have learned over the years: 

Small victories are just as gratifying as large victories, and they pave the way for the huge, outstanding victories that enter our paths. If we can complete those small victories with success and ease, the roads that we must endure to accomplish our large victories will seem that much easier. We will still be able to appreciate those large victories with just as much (if not more) joy, but we won't have to get there by stepping on the shards of glass and rock and bumps in the road along the way. You see, once we learn how to overcome small challenges with grace, we can overcome the seemingly more challenging challenges with ease and peace of mind. That makes the final destination so much sweeter. 

So how do we overcome small, tedious, daily challenges to gain small victories? How do we overcome those large challenges that make us feel like we want to curl up in a little ball and never face those difficulties? 

We practice commitment. We focus on intention. We discover our inner ambition and drive. We grasp our determination and we don't let go until we have reached our goal. 

Starting off my 2014 with that purpose and drive and commitment has made the tougher challenges in the days thereafter seem easier to cope with. Do I have my moments where I have to center myself? Yes. Of course! We are only human. Living with intention does not mean we will never have stress (but if you have learned how to do that, please let me know!). Yet, it just makes stress easier to deal with because we can focus on WHAT we are working toward and HOW we will get there. Remember those pesky shards of glass and rock and bumps that we inevitably encounter when we are trying to reach that beautiful sunshine at the end of the road?? Focus on that sunshine. Focus on that beautiful sunshine that will be so fulfilling--especially after you have had the peace and clarity of mind to bypass those rocks and bumps and glass.

Live every day with the INTENTION to be a good person, to be better than you were yesterday....then COMMIT yourself to that. Make the commitment to yourself every day to live with intention...because you truly deserve a fulfilling, peaceful, and joy-filled life. 

Use your power to love and heal--not to judge or hurt.

     One thing that I have realized the importance in as I have grown into being a woman is that we must listen to the wisdom of others. To think we know everything only limits ourselves from growing into more knowledgeable, genuine, and caring human beings. I used to think I knew everything and if anyone tried to tell me differently, it would "go in one ear and out the other" (as my parents and grandparents used to say). Yet, as we grow, we learn that we are never truly finished learning. The day that we think we know everything is truly a sad day in our existence because we are only limiting ourselves from fantastic things ahead.

      The holidays are a difficult time for many of us-for many different reasons. We all have our own individual reasons that we hold deep in the crevices and inner depths of our hearts. The mistake we make is in thinking our problems are bigger than anyone else's. The mistake we make is when we point fingers and give blame to people without even hearing their stories. Instead of blaming or doubting or questioning another human being, why not let them open up to you? Why not let them know that their life and their story is just as important to us as our own? 

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" - John Watson (aka Ian MacLaren)

      I recently found myself struggling with years and years of body image issues that had been locked up under my armor of strength. The armor of strength seemed to shatter when old feelings of self-doubt and lack of acceptance for just being me started to seep through the surface. I overcame my feelings with positive help and support from loved ones who guided me to put my "armor" back on. Yet, I know many people do not have this support system. Many people feel lost and alone spiraling into negative thoughts of worthlessness and grief. 

We need to use our own power for love to help those who feel lost. 

We have all been lost, and we need to use that strength that we have gained through our experience to help others-not hurt them or judge them.

      Instead of judging people because of their life, their body image, their relationship, their religious beliefs....why don't we take the time to listen to their story so they know they have at least one person who wants to hear them and not judge them? We never know any story unless we take the time to open our hearts and minds and ears to the person sharing the story. 

      I recently had a dear friend share with me a story. She wants to use her experience to help others realize that they are not alone. This is what life is ABOUT, people! We can use our experiences, our pain, our joys--to HELP others--not hurt them. Her story touched me, and I am sure it will move you, as well. 

"I wanted to share something with you.. I always read your inspiring messages and keep up with your blog. I wanted to ask you a favor...or maybe just reach out to you. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for the past 2 years going on 3 and it has to be the most difficult thing we've ever been through. I used to blame myself and despise my body every day because I was incapable of doing what every woman should be able to do. With that being said the holidays have always been our favorite time of year but I've been finding it so difficult to be happy this year around. For the past 3 Christmases now my only wish was for a chance to be a mom. I want you to spread awareness (if you want) about infertility. People ask me daily why we don't have children and offer their advice..I know they don't mean any harm but If only they knew. I want women to know that we shouldn't hate ourselves for things that are out of our hands. I want you to spread awareness of the importance of getting checked yearly as well. I suffer from an endocrine disease called pcos and it is extremely common"

      Here is a perfect example of a beautiful, kind, and genuine woman who is always caring to those around her. She is struggling with this internal battle and have had others question her rather than just show her gentle love and support for being who she is. She wants to help others who are struggling and raise awareness. Please--remember that your body is a beautiful gift. Take care of it and L.I.S.T.E.N. to it. My yoga teacher always says that our body starts telling us something is wrong with a whisper, and if we do not listen to those whispers, it will start to YELL. Don't wait for your body to yell. Here is a link for more info on PCOS:  http://womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.html

      I am asking all of you to remember that there is not a single human being who knows the story of all the people we meet. We must listen to each other, love each other, and support each other. Please, open your hearts this holiday season to the stories of others and feel the overwhelming love and peace you can feel in unconditionally accepting another human being. 

"Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy"

-Sai Baba

Pull out your weeds!

“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
-Steve Maraboli


We are only human, right?

Yes. Yes, in every sense of the word....we are imperfect, incomplete, constantly changing and absolutely where we should be.

I think this is something that we need to embrace more often.

I have found myself getting caught up in the, "I need to....", "I should be...", "By next year, I must have..."....

Who on earth said that we need to figure everything out all the time? Who is the power that makes us believe that we must be in control of everything in our lives at all times?

We cannot have total control. We will never have total control. The best way to gain control over our lives is so release the desire to always be in control. In doing so, we will have peace because we  will accept the changes that are going to happen. We have no choice but to wake up every day accepting and finding solace in the fact that those scary, unexpected, unwanted changes will undoubtedly happen.

....and perhaps- just maybe- they aren't so scary, after all.

You see, when we prepare ourselves to be at peace with the changes, they don't seem as challenging. Our minds and bodies are ready for them. Rather than searching for the answers all of the time, we need to search for the humbleness and security in breathing in all of those chaotic moments, letting them course through our muscles and our brains....and then release. Remember that difficult times will not take away our spirit if we do not let them take over our lives. Drop them to the ground like a dead weed. We need to face the weeds in our lives so we can remove them and make room for a beautiful and colorful and fragrant garden of opportunity.

Pull out your weeds and let them go today. We can do it together.

Blessings in Disguise...they creep up when we least expect them to!

Do you know what is a truly life changing feeling?

When we realize that the things we formerly thought were "bad" for us are actually tremendous blessings in disguise.

 

“If we never experience the chill of a dark winter, it is very unlikely that we will ever cherish the warmth of a bright summer’s day. Nothing stimulates our appetite for the simple joys of life more than the starvation caused by sadness or desperation. In order to complete our amazing life journey successfully, it is vital that we turn each and every dark tear into a pearl of wisdom, and find the blessing in every curse.”  

-Anthon St. Maarten, Divine Living: The Essential Guide To Your True Destiny

I was discussing my blessing in disguise with a friend last night. I shared with her that I battled an eating disorder for 10 years. I obsessed over my body image, exercising, my weight, my size, my diet. I spent so much time agonizing over these things that I lost valuable moments that could have been spent in joy instead of in self-loathing.

Several months ago, I started feeling weakness in my legs and was unable to perform my usual rigorous exercising as easily as before. Jumping in Zumba became difficult. I knew this was a problem since I was such an active person and did not understand this change in my body. I went to the doctor, and they could not find any issues. Therefore, I continued on with my life.

A few months later, I continued to become increasingly more and more weak to the point that it took everything in me to peel myself off of my chair to get into bed. Finally, after getting multiple opinions, the conclusion was formed that I had fibromyalgia. Since being on my medication, I have felt so much better and am able to live life normally again. However, I had to accept this life change because it affected my way of living.

How is this a blessing in disguise? Well, I allowed my body time to heal after the diagnosis and in doing so, I also allowed my mind to heal. I could no longer put my body image as the center of importance in my life. I now needed to focus on my health. I forced myself to take time off from exercising in order to learn to love myself just the way I am. I needed time for my body to adjust, and I needed time for my mind and soul to learn how to love myself. It was as if I had a huge wake up call telling me that I needed to slow down and realize what was more important in life. Now, I can exercise mindfully while listening to my body and my mind. I know when to stop, and I know when to keep going--for the right reasons.

Keep in mind this is coming from a girl who has gone through periods in my life of exercising two times a day. I love being active. I am not advocating a lack of exercise (and I am at a point where I will be starting to exercise consistently again since my mind and body are in better places now). I am a firm believer in maintaining the health of our bodies from the inside out.

The point I am trying to make is that we need to listen to these little hidden  blessings. We can't beat ourselves up over them. If something does not happen for us, we need to realize that it may be because something better is just waiting for the right time to enter our lives. If we are forced to accept a change in our lives, we need to realize that the change that occurred happened for a reason--it may just take time for us to see and understand it.

Change....not as scary as we think.

Let's talk about change. 

Change can be scary. Change can lead us to feel anxiety and fear due to the lack of control that change brings. 

I encourage you to accept the fear, but not let it overcome you. The loss of control that comes from change must be accepted as a part of life. As much as we would love to have control over everything, we just can't. It just isn't going to happen. Things will happen in our lives that we have absolutely no control over and we need to accept this. 

However, we can learn how to cope with those feelings in a healthier way. I have learned the importance of accepting help from the people we trust. If we have people who love us, we must be open to accepting help. Try to think of it like this: would you help someone you truly care for in a time of need? If the answer is yes, then I suggest you try to open your heart to those who want to help you. It becomes easier as times goes on to learn how to accept help without feeling helpless. After all, the world would be a more beautiful place if we all helped one another without seeking anything else in return. 

Now, let's talk about the scary effect that may come from the feelings of losing control: relapse. Thoughts of relapse, or even relapse itself, may happen during recovery. The important part in dealing with this is remembering our inner strength. Remember that you can be free of this. You are strong enough to overcome it. After you reassure yourself, it is important to learn your triggers. What caused you to feel this way? When you discover what it is, you can be aware of it occurring next time so you can take the steps to avoid a relapse behavior or thought. What makes you feel at peace and calm? What pulls you out of the dark place that relapse feelings or thoughts bring? Perhaps it is enjoying a book. Maybe you have family, friends, or a significant other that you can trust to help talk with you and bring you into a more positive mindset. You might even like to paint, shop, watch a movie....the possibilities are endless. The main idea is that you need to find those things that bring you peace of mind. Eventually, you will be able to be your own peace of mind. You won't even have thoughts of relapse during the no-control moments because you will know deep down that things will really be okay. 

Please remember to love yourself. Don't hate yourself if you lack some strength at times. You are only human. We will make mistakes and that is a part of life. The importance lies in learning from our mistakes by growing from them instead of dwelling on them. You are beautiful and deserving of health and happiness and I have faith that you can overcome the fear of change. After all, it is happening around us every day: why not embrace it? 

Who said we have to let our past control us?

Let's talk about acceptance. Acceptance of ourselves and of our past and present lives. 

I used to never fully embrace myself. I shuddered at the thought of people knowing the real me and all of the painful and embarrassing things in my past. 

Do you know what I had to do to overcome this? I had to open up to the people I trusted. I had to talk about the dark and trying moments in my life that I was ashamed of to realize that I had emerged from the darkness into the light. When someone you care for accepts and embraces you and assures you that it really IS okay. YOU really are okay. Your past teaches you, but it doesn't define you if you don't let it. 

My advice is to be careful with the people you open to when you decide you are ready to do so. Learn the difference between true and lasting acceptance and love and wavering and temporary acceptance in your relationships. Once you do, your lasting relationships will be stronger with deeper connections and you won't feel the need to accommodate everyone by being the person they want you to be. 

Just love and embrace yourself and surround yourself with people who love and embrace you. 

 

Start from the root of it all, and blossom into something new.

Let's discuss the connections in our lives. We can all probably think of many positive people who encourage us and ignite the fire within us to be a better person--a person capable and motivated to live life fully and passionately. Unfortunately, we can also most likely think of people who have hurt us very deeply. People who bring out the worst in us, bring out the insecurities in us, and make us feel like we are not in control. 

This is what I have learned: there will forever be those negative people in our lives. In fact, they are around us every day. They may be the person you never met who takes a condescending jab at you while you're in line at the grocery store or trying on clothes at your favorite shop. They may even be the friend that you have known for a long time who is unhappy in their own life, so they feel the need to bring you down. This is the secret: we can't change everyone. We can't help everyone. However, we are in control of our lives and our own thoughts and actions. We have the power within us to stop the negative cycle internally and shine with a positive spirit. There will be those who embrace the positive energy, and those that shun it. Yet, by choosing peace for OURSELVES, we can avoid being negatively affected by those that previously had the ability to effect us. 

Those who know me can tell you that I love yoga. It helps to keep me calm, balanced, focused, and accepting of myself and others. Today, my wonderful yoga instructor and I were discussing how many prestigious universities have done studies on the benefits of yoga. In fact, here is a helpful link regarding the benefits of yoga in many ways: 

http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Mental_Health_Letter/2009/April/Yoga-for-anxiety-and-depression

So, my point is this: we have the power to change. We have the power to overcome negativity. My activity of choice in combatting negativity, poor body image, and stress is yoga. I also journal, spend time with loved ones, bake, and have my alone reflection time when needed. Your activities may be much different. The important thing is choosing something that centers and calms you--allowing you to be a better person to yourself and those around you. 

It was very important for me to understand how to control my negative thoughts and my eating disorder before I had children because I never wanted to pass on a negative body image to my future children. I want them (whenever I may be blessed to have them!) to be strong, healthy, confident, and be able to channel their inner peace as necessary. I would not be able to teach them how to do this if I was not at peace. So it took me a long time, but I have changed. For myself and for those in my future. 

Along with the change, I am aware of how the things we say and the way we act can strongly affect children. We must be a beacon of hope and strength and light and love, and we do so by choosing our actions and words carefully. 

Here is a lovely article from The National Eating Disorders Association with tips for mothers, fathers, and anyone who works with younger individuals) on how to approach positive thinking in this area: 

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/50-ways-lose-3ds

It is actually helpful to read to help us NOW, as well. These tips are a good guideline to give ourselves positive energy and to give it to the younger people in our lives. After all, in order to love someone else we have to start by loving ourselves fully and completely. Then, that love will radiate from within us. 

We have the power to change ourselves and encourage positive change in the world through the younger generation. 

Love yourself today and pass that love on so we can see the droplets of change enter into the vast ocean of life.